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Lessons Learned


The reality of publishing a book.



In 2020 I published my very first book, only to find out that the process, things you need to know and the outcome was not going to be what I expected. in publishing books now you have so many options! The "traditional publisher "is great, but waiting for the right opportunity takes extensive amounts of work and time. You can "self-publish" and do all the work on your own or you c


an go with "Hybrid publishing" which is a combination of the two. Hybrid publishing was what I chose to go with, and in that process I found a publisher ask them tons of questions. And at the end of the process, I was disappointed and embarrassed.


If you are preparing to publish a book, or have published before and you're considering going with hybrid publishing here are a few things that I've learned so far.



Hire your own edit


or. Hybrid Publishers will give you a minimum of three passes at your book with the editor that they provide in your contract. With that being said, if you are anything like me and grammar is not exactly a skill set that you hold. Be sure to vet and hire someone to edit your book with you before you send it to the publisher and before you send in the final draft for publication.


Be real with your friends and family if the outcome is a bit embarrassing, after publishing Cultivating Cu


riosity I was so embarrassed to find errors in the manuscript and full sentences that didn't make sense. As my friends begin to read the book I started sharing my frustration in the editing process and sincerely apologized for the confusion. After talking with a newer friend, who I highly respect, he offered to go through the book and help me edit it himself. He went through the book and marked it all up and I went through the manuscript and changed the errors. The grace and compassion shown by being real and messy were refreshing. I do feel your pain and I know it sucks and yet you have the power to make it better.


Do not wait to offer or publish a second revision of the book. if you release a book and there are errors that c


ompromised the Integrity of your text. Your own personal moral Integrity that you've sold the product an


d you are embarrassed by it, do not wait 3 months or six months, or nine months. Replace the manuscript and no longer allow the prior manuscript to be available. I get it and I know how this feels but you need to value every reader's time as well as protect your voice.


I truly wish you the very best in your writing efforts and I am cheering for you!


XO -B



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Each month you will find a little Date Night Inspiration here! Date nights for us, when done intentionally have been a time of connection and excitement in our relationship. Take a little time to plan out your next month and block out at least 1-2 nights. Schedule the sitter (maybe even plan a backup) and be sure to send a calendar invite to your spouse.


I love these nights and I hope you and

your loved one will too!


Enjoy.



 

Learn a few new moves together this month!

1. Dancing Date Night


Plan out a night to learn a few new moves. If you have the ability to take a dance class at your local studio or search Youtube for a tutorial.


Set the Stage: If you are staying in and watching/ Practicing tutorials online set out a tray of snacks and drinks. Move aside the Kitchen table and light some candles to help it feel romantic. Put together your favorite playlist


*Right now my we are working on learning the Bachata. Here are a few of our favorite tutorials and an Itunes playlist.


Tutorial 1

Tutorial 2


 

2. Fall Themed Date Night:

Pumpkin carving and caramel apples.



This is gonna be fun

Plan a night to pick out a pumpkin and carve it with your spouse. Head to the store once kids are safe at a sitter and pick out your favorite pumpkin of any color or size. Grab your supplies for your caramel apples and head home!


Set the Stage: Layout a picnic blanket in your yard or a dropcloth on your kitchen counter. Make sure you have good lighting and a sharp set of carving knives. Set out your supplies to make your caramel apples and jump in before carving your pumpkin. Melt your caramel sauce according to your directions and dip your apples. Here is an easy tutorial if you want to make your Carmel apples from scratch. Once your apples are cooling it is time to carve the pumpkin. Feel free to snack on your caramel apples as soon as they have cooled.


Happy October Dating!



XO

- B


 

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Updated: Sep 13, 2019


*Warning, language ahead. No it is not excessive, yes I know it is bad. If you do not like it may I suggest finding a different blog?


 


My whole life I have felt every rock and stick under my feet, every piece of sand. So often I was told that I was too sensitive... that I just needed to toughen up a bit. That everyone felt like they had to walk on eggshells around me because they were always afraid of "hurting my feelings."


And every time it hurt... Not because they were trying to hurt me but because I understood it to mean that I would never fit in... I would never be the one they picked to hang out with. They were totally okay with being vulnerable with me and letting me encourage them on a rough day. I was a built in therapist for all my friends. Yet, I was the last one standing on the gym wall waiting to be picked for a team. So I just kept going...


I put my head down...

I worked my butt off...

I ignored every closed door conversation...

Every time I found out I wasn't invited...

I apologized way too much...

Took the fall way too much...

And allowed way too many people to walk on top of my compassion and kindness.


But in that I have learned so much! It taught me to stand tall. It taught me that....


1. TAKING SHIT FROM PEOPLE IS A PERSONAL CHOICE


People dish it out, but know this about it:


A) It really is not personal...


Most people are thinking about what is happening in their own world most of the time. If a coworker has their angry face on, it probably has nothing to do with you. Just move on.


B) Be clear about what is and is not ok....


I loved the way Reese Witherspoon put it in the movie "Home Again" She said, "When you don't show up, it makes me feel like crap, and I don't want to feel that way." She was sooo clear that when her new boyfriend didn't show up to a dinner party, she was not ok with it. She learned to be clear.


TRULY, listen up if you are a people pleaser like me... There is nothing wrong with speaking truth in love. Stop letting the people around you walk all over you! You will either need to speak up and be CLEAR about what needs to change or you may need to move on.


  • If you are in an abusive relationship- GET OUT... No it won't be easy but there are kind humans in this world. Find support and let the people around you love and help you.

  • If your work is legitimately nit-picking and tearing you down- FIND A NEW JOB!

  • If your boss does not see your value and give you the opportunity to move forward- MOVE ON!

  • If your family is passive aggressive or unhealthy- ADD SPACE until things change

NO, I am not telling you to run away from every bad situation in your life but at some point you need to have to have enough self dignity to stand up and say what is OK, and what isn't OK.


Brene Brown says it like this... "Clear is kind, unclear is unkind."


So be clear about what is ok in the way people treat you and what is not. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be yelled at or belittled. NOTHING. I believe in you, you can do this.


2. START TREATING YOURSELF BETTER THAN YOU TREAT OTHERS


If you are like me and you are a perpetual giver, start setting hard boundaries around how you will treat yourself. If you have the drive to go into work early, great, but have you taken care of yourself (worked out, eaten food not in a wrapper, and spent time with people who love you)? When you start putting this first it will help you get your perspective straight and you may even feel a little more appreciated!


3) YOU HAVE YOUR OWN STUFF, AND SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE....


One day I was sitting with a friend at an outdoor seating area right outside of a cute coffee shop downtown. The inebriated man sitting at a table next to us was not feeling well. Despite his efforts to hide the way he was feeling he ended up puking on the concrete between his feet.


When we got up to leave we were careful not to walk through the pile..... but it made me think, so often when others verbally vomit on us we walk right through it. We pick it up, carry it around, and even let it replay in our heads at night. Replaying their remarks and coming up with our bad-ass retaliations over and over again. Listen..... This is not our "pile" and yet we are so eager to pick it up. We have to stop it, let them clean up their own mess and humbly move on.


4) YOUR EMPATHY AND TENDERNESS IS A GIFT...


Yes, a gift... You see people in a way that maybe no one else will. You can bring justice to those who have no voice, an advocate to the marginalized, and bring hope to someone who may have lost hope.


This even shows up in our kids!!!


A little boy saw a few kids playing at the park next door. He ran outside just as fast as he could go and grabbed his skateboard. He rode as fast and confident as he could down to the playground and sat on the bench just a few feet away from the play area. He put his head down and sat there for 30 seconds or so, as if he was just waiting for an invitation to join in the game of tag the kids were playing.


After no invitation came, he got up and rode his skateboard home... just then my daughter realized what happened and tried to catch up to him. But he was too fast. A few minutes later he tried again. Riding back down the sidewalk, she ran up to him and asked if he wanted to play. After figuring out they were playing tag, trying to play it cool he said, "I don't know if I have played that in a while." Then he came to LIFE! His face lit up and he was the king of the playground!


She was able to advocate for him, invite him to be a part of the game and give him a voice!


It is amazing what can be seen when you slow down and show empathy. This world does not see much of it anymore!


 

My feet are now much stronger and yet still so tender and for the rest of my life I will fight to keep them that way! (And if anyone doesn't like it... we just won't be best friends)


XOXO - B


 

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